Tools of the trade

I take a lot of things with me when I play a gig. Well, I think I do. If I'm using an electric guitar I take a guitar (or two) along with an amplifier (obviously!) and several leads (you've got to have some spares haven't you?) along with effect pedals if needed; I also take some tools (screwdrivers, pliers, wire cutters etc) along with things like spare fuses and valves. I've only got one acoustic guitar so as there's no spare for that I always make sure that I've got plenty of strings with me - mind you I take plenty of strings with me even when I've got a spare guitar. Part of this neurotic attention to detail is probably that I'm neurotic (!) while the rest is the ever-popular 'if I take it, I won't need it' syndrome - a bit like thinking that if you take an umbrella with you it won't rain... and normally that line of thinking seems to work, as I rarely need to use any of the myriad spares that I take with me. I'd like to think that I look after my equipment, and generally I try keep everything in good working order - which is why when something does go wrong it comes as something of a shock...

I was halfway through my solo in 'Maggie May' (the first song of The Uppercut's second set at The Halfway House in Rickmansworth) on Friday night when a very strange sound came from my amplifier - a kind of spitting, crackling noise which lasted a few seconds then stopped. On the one hand I was pleased that it had stopped, on the other hand I was somewhat dismayed to find that everything had stopped and no sound whatsoever was forthcoming. Not good. Worse still, the little red light on the top on my amplifier (a Fender Blues Deville in case you were wondering) had gone off. Not good at all. I took my guitar off as the rest of the band ground to a halt; I made a quick 'erm, my amplifier's gone wrong' announcement, and then made myself concentrate on the optimistic thought that 'it must be the fuse' - which was 'optimistic' because that was pretty much the only thing that I knew how to fix...

As I undid the screw on the plug I wondered what I would do if changing the fuse didn't solve the problem; when it didn't solve the problem I swore a bit. Quite a bit if I remember rightly. When that didn't make the amplifier work it was time for another approach. In one of the compartments in the top part of my toolbox (which is so unfeasibly large that I can also keep all the leads and pedals in it) were some other, smaller fuses. I remembered buying them from Maplin in Uxbridge, ooh, 15 years ago, maybe more, they're for the fuse that's inside the back of the amplifier where the valves are. I'd better try that one then.

I took the fuse out of the amplifier and held it up to the light. It's one of these little glass ones that you can see through, and even through the tinted glasses that I wear when I'm gigging I could see that the wire in the fuse had broken - in other words it had blown. Great. I'll replace it and then we're back in business - provided of course that there isn't a fault somewhere in the amplifier and it blows the replacement fuse. If that happens then we're in trouble.

As I went to switch the amp back on I looked around to the rest of the band, all of whom were looking at me with what I took to be a mixture of apprehension and optimism; I said something like 'as Dave Allen would probably have said, if you have a God then hope that he is with you now' and switched the amp back on. The red light lit up, a beautiful sight. I waited a few seconds... it was still on. Now the moment of truth - try the guitar... I thought it crackled a bit, but maybe that was just me. The red light was still on. Good.

We debated what to do next, eventually reaching the slightly bizarre decision that we should restart the song from the guitar solo rather than from the beginning. So we did. The guitar sounded great, better than before. Surely a fuse can't make any difference to the sound? Of course it can't.

'That was a good fuse that you put in there' said Roger cheerily. We'd finished a fine show and were feeling great. He went on to say that he thought the guitar had sounded better than before the fuse had blown. I told him that I thought it sounded good too. Strange. I looked at the control panel on the top of the amplifier. The volume was higher than I'd had it earlier in the evening. A lot higher. I must have knocked it when I was leaning over it to change the fuse. So that's why it sounded better!

I was in the shop all day yesterday and didn't feel too well when I got home; I woke up today with what feels like a bit of a cold. Bah! Still I thought I'd plug my amp in this afternoon to see how it was sounding - it made a horrible high pitched screaming noise, and that was before I'd even plugged a guitar in! Looks like I'd better ring Roger the amplifier repair man in the morning...

In the meantime a splendid time was had at The Crown And Sceptre in Uxbridge (now that's something that I never thought that I'd ever write!) on Wednesday evening when Darren and Simon hosted their first Good For Nothing club evening. I met Esso from The Lurkers there just after 9.30; sometime after 10 o'clock Colour Me Wednesday played an excellent acoustic set to an increasingly appreciative audience. The rest of the evening saw slightly bewildered pub regulars recoiling in confusion as their requests for tracks from the likes of Pink were met with replies along the lines of 'sorry we haven't got anything by them'; Esso and myself were approached by a less-than-sober chap who asked us to feel his biceps (I'm not making this up, honest) and when the music was over the pub guv'nor seemed optimistic about upcoming Wednesday gatherings, which should hopefully bode well for the future. This week Scott from Balcony Shirts is playing an acoustic set, aided and abetted by at least one other member of the shop staff. It should be fun.

The long and winding road

So - 'Christmas is years away' as the Mega City Four once sang, and it's back to 'normal', whatever that is...

The year at Balcony Shirts has started fairly quietly - somewhat inevitably it's not as busy as it was before Christmas, so it's time for some new t-shirt designs, and indeed a new website devoted to custom t-shirts. I've been spending a fair bit of time writing copy for that and indeed the 'standard' website which I must say I really enjoy, not least because it's interesting to try to write 100-150 words on subjects as diverse as ukuleles, psychology and bread, all of which feature on new Balcony shirts. And talking of writing Dave from the shop has started a blog about... well, have a look here and you'll find out!

Friday night and (pausing only to see if there was anything on television worth staying in for) it was off to The Bull and Gate in Kentish Town for afore-mentioned Peart promotion. It was originally due to feature 3 bands, but The Meow Meows pulled out as their drummer has broken his foot (ouch!) meaning that Dirty Revolution headlined with support coming from Colour Me Wednesday. Ex-Ruts bassist Segs was D.J.-ing when I arrived (Andy had asked him to, he hadn't just barged his way into position!) and was playing 'Fever' by Junior Murvin when I went over to say hello; there was time for a few words before Colour Me Wednesday took to the stage - or rather 3 of them took to the stage, as singer Jennifer was nowhere to be seen. She eventually ambled up to the microphone, took off her glasses which she placed (rather riskily I thought) at the base of the mic stand and the show began. They've improved immeasurably since I last saw them, and their punky pop sounded good to me although it's still a bit hit and miss in places - a false start here, a botched ending there - and Jennifer the singer looks at the floor a bit too much to really draw the audience in, although maybe that's just me that thinks that? And let's face it, any band that has a song called 'Purge Your Inner Tory' must have rather a lot going for them.

Coming on stage to the strains of 'Bankrobber' by The Clash isn't something that most bands would relish (nice one Segs!?!) but Dirty Revolution seemed to take it in their stride, roaring through a breathlessly efficient set of ska-crossed-with-punk that went down well with the assembled multitude. Two guitars clashed over a thunderously tight drums and bass, while an almost cheerily melodic vocal floated over the top tying everything together. Good stuff, and although I'm never going to be the biggest ska fan in the World I'll be keeping an ear out to see what they do next.

Afterwards Fast Tony took over the job of the D.J. and there was time for a chat with Segs (remind me to tell you his hilarious 'Rat Scabies at Paul Fox's funeral' story one day!) to bring a highly enjoyable evening to a close. And it was great to be back at The Bull and Gate - always a classic indie venue, it's still a stage for original bands to perform on which is sadly something of a rarity these days.

First gig of the year for your humble narrator on Saturday, with The Chicago Blues Brothers at Butlins in Skegness. We did the same show at the same time last year - it's a brass band weekend! - and once again it was a great gig. Myself, Richard (sax) and Graham (depping with us for the first time on trumpet) made the epic journey without too many problems, although as always the last 20-or-so miles seemed to take forever - the road winds it's way through The Fens and some very picturesque countryside but time seems to stand still when your on it. I'm always half-expecting to see Doctor Who somewhere along the way... we arrived about 7 p.m. which was just in time for Richard and Graham to do their soundcheck with The British Philharmonic Big Band (modestly named don't you think?!?) who they were playing 2 sets with in Reds (the smaller of the two venues) before joining us for our show at The Main Stage at 11 o'clock. I watched a bit of their soundcheck, made some phone calls and generally hung around - the rest of our band we're due to arrive for quite a while yet - then went to get something to eat. I saw a couple of numbers by the band (very good they were too) before going across to The Main Stage to see if any of the band had arrived yet - they hadn't but The Central Ohio Brass Band were on stage for the first of their 2 sets, a young man played a euphonium at mind-boggling speed as the man next to me said 'very difficult that' to nobody in particular. Back at Reds The BPBB are still going strong when my phone rang - it was Mike to tell me that I should join them all in the main building for a free pizza. Oh well... I had a pint of lager instead!

Matt 'n' Mike are Jake 'n' Elwood, Ian's on keyboards, Squirrel's on bass and Marc's on drums for a show that started a bit strangely from my point of view - my guitar sounded out of tune but was fine when I checked it on the tuner, then sounded bad again in with the band, then three or four songs in it suddenly sounded good. Nobody else said there was a problem so maybe it was just me? And we went down excellently well with the audience, with much dancing and merriment more-or-less from the first number so I really should stop moaning. There - I've stopped moaning. For the moment at least...

The long drive home is enlivened by Whispering Bob on the radio - we got back to Richard's at 4 a.m. to find the long-suffering Shirley waiting to take me home. That's why I call her long-suffering...

Nothing much happened on Sunday. Well, it probably did, but I slept through it... a day in the shop yesterday was followed by an Upper Cut rehearsal in the evening - as I say, back to 'normal, whatever that is...